Can I please find a sexual partner who:

So far I have had a few sexual partners who:

Are charming, good looking, and on first dates end up naked in my bed. Who smell nice, have beautiful bodies, talk far less than I do, and who don't mind me worshiping their flesh. Who are timid and shy but who've I've forced into making the first move because I'm too damned self depreciating. Who are polite, don't drink nearly as much coffee (milk) as I do. Who are by nature either naturally fit or who volunteer to go to a gym (regularly). Who take my clothes off first, and then let me take their clothes of, slowly, and with romantic intent (of a half starved sexual maniac). Who, on the face of it, are really nice people, and who, when you dig a bit deeper are normal human beings. Who are not nearly as bizarre, odd, weird, nerdish, geekish, or British as I am.

In short I have as yet to sleep with anyone that I have not found totally attractive. Sadly I have as yet to sleep with anyone... at all if one goes by the traditional notions of sexual activity: Foreplay, rigorous intercourse, and then climatic moaning, followed by an awkward moment of what to do with the resultant juices. I've had everything except the last two.

Now I have a growing fear that I may never personally experience them. I'm not sure. I've just spent the last hour rubbing, sucking, pulling, and dare I say it, licking a relative stranger. And yet I'm comfortable with this. I however do not seem to be able to reach a climax. Although my partners before this one were never really interested in me achieving that, this one (tonight) was. OK, granted I'd released earlier in the day, and I realize that I may not have the stamina I once had, but it was a non-event tonight. Not that he achieved anything else either, he was in a rush. Supposidly coming back next weekend.

But he's given me a list of things that need to be done:

1 - I need to sleep more. I thought 7 - 8 hours a night was good. Apparently I may need deeper sleep. I shall look into not consuming coffee 4 hours before bedtime. But what does that leave me with? Horlicks?

2 - I need to shave. Now shaving has always been a sore point for me. Literally and figuratively. I don't like doing it because it takes up a lot of time, and to be honest I've never been able to tell if I look better with, or without a beard. It is a scraggly thing reminiscent of a fat fifty year old lesbians bush I will admit but I think it gives me a certain... maturity. And yes I hear Professor Mature screaming here. OK, so I'll shave. It'll grow back.

3 - I need a bedside lamp. This one I whole-heartedly agree with. The light in my room is insufferably half a meter too far for me to reach from my bed, especially when I have a mouth attached to my penis. So a lamp it is.

4 - I need to eat healthy food. Well I don't eat unhealthy food - as in poisonous, rotten, or contaminated, that should count? Towards the calories it would seem. OK, so just what is healthy? And more importantly can I simply put healthy into the microwave for 3 minutes and then eat it? If not, it's a waste of my time.

5 - I need to go to gym. I know I do. But it's going to eat into my time. Stop fucking grinning, I can see it from here.

Time. OK, I get it. No time for shaving, eating healthy, exercise, and orgasming. So what is so important about the time I do have? What is so important that I want to spend all my time on stuff that has none of the above benefits?

Computer games. I log onto the net the moment I get home. I look at porn sometimes. But mostly I play games. It's social - kinda. I play with some people whom I know where they live in the world, I know their online names, and sometimes their real names. I know that I have to heal them, and that each night we need to run into a dungeon to find levers to pull to open doors to kill monsters to get the treasure to buy armour and stuff to go into dungeons to find leavers...

I have a headache already. WHY?

Well on the surface it gives me a wonderful sense of minor satisfaction. I walk away to my bed thinking - so tomorrow I can run into a dungeon to pull a level etc. so I can go up a level to run into bigger dungeons to pull bigger levers... WTF is wrong with me?

Surely it makes sense to focus all that energy - about five hours a day - on solving some real world problems? Surely the real game is more important than a fake one that counts for nothing but time wasting? How is this in any way legal? It's worse than drugs or alcohol. At least those impair your thinking. Online gaming is purely voluntary with social peer pressure from across the globe as loud as the speakers that get plugged into the computer.

I know why. It's easier. In the space of a month or two I can become an all powerful, fear me, shit hot Cleric capable of healing all those other all powerful, fear me, shit hot clerics/fighters/thieves/wizards. In a couple of months at the gym I might loose a few centimeters, I may build a little muscle, but the gut, the man-boobs, and the other flabby bits will still be there.

It's going to take years... being a cleric is easy, and when I don't get it right, or we all die in a dungeon I can just log off and go masturbate. My boss would take a dim view of me if every time after a meeting went badly with a client I did the same, I'm sure. "Where's he going?" "Oh... he failed the meeting, the monster won." "Ah...bathroom?" "Yup." Smirks all around and then an avoidance of any substances on the ceiling in the bathroom for a week (as opposed to them touching substances on the fucking ceiling, what crap am I writing here? And why the fuck are you reading it?).

Today is the 1st of November 2009. I shall not see another one, hopefully. I don't want to make one of those: Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life statements. It is a day, it's the first 2nd of November 2009 of my life. I don't make those statements because I very seldom keep them. There have been a few - this year I will get a car. I will have sex before I'm 30... oh shit. I've got 350 odd days left to finish that one off (technically). So what I'm going to say is that I am going to try to shift my focus from time spent on easy and 'cheap' victories, to time spent on some real world issues.

However this does not mean that I abandon all those activities that distract me from the world. Fantasy is part of who I am, and I believe that I need to spend time totally absorbed in another place to actually function in this one. I am not Vulcan - to use a fantastical character as way of describing a real world personality. So I'm going to now take time for myself... in a personal way. That of grooming and personal health.

This leads me to wonder about how others perceive me in terms of personal grooming, and I'm amazed I've had as many sexual encounters as I've had. It also may answer one or two questions regarding how my employees think of me. Curious. I sense another blog. Well there are two now pending, one on racism, and the other now on personal grooming. So watch this space, when I have the time... har har I couldn't resist now could I?

So if I spend all my time avoiding things, am I along in this? Or do you dear reader also avoid and abnegate yourself from time to time? Till next time, love, ejaculation, and joy.