Well... that was the start of a whole new world. I could suddenly jerk off. If I was religious I'd say it was God's gift to mankind. Ironic then that most religions say it isn't... I knew by then that I was gay. It's difficult not to. So it was only a matter of time until I tasted it. Yes, yes... stop squealing.
This blog is about that very reaction.
I never had the 'wet dream' that is the eternal embarrassment of most young boys. I guess I either didn't get horny enough or and this is my feeling: I was so self conscious of being gay, and what gay sex represented that I didn't allow myself the option of getting to the point of physical ejaculation whilst sleeping. Until I was about 22 all my erotic dreams involved me watching other people have sex. I was never a participant.
Sex, and all it's associated fluids, were so taboo, so evil, that I daren't associate myself with it, even in my wildest fantasies! Oh when I was conscious I could whack off with images of my best friends, male actors, hell... anything. But never with myself as one of the participants in sex. Always as an observer. Of course by the time I was 16 I had the internet at home, and black and white pictures of naked men would slowly download themselves in front of me and my frantically jerking hand. Sometimes being left handed and using a right handed mouse has it's advantages...
Anyway I digress. So one day I decided instead of blasting my load (how many different words are there for sperm?) onto my stomach and then mopping up with a cum-shirt (I had an old t-shirt which was used exclusively for clean-up operations) I thought... let's taste this stuff. Well I tasted it. For those of you who have not it's nothing special. It's a salty, slick taste. Sure different food groups change the after-taste slightly, but in general it has a fairly bland taste. I nearly threw up though. And not because I don't like salt.
The idea of it in my mouth was what repulsed me.
How stupid is that? I don't vomit when tears run down my cheeks and into my mouth. I don't vomit when I swallow my own spit. It's not urine or shit. It's not a by-product, a waste product. It's an excretion. Like sweat. Like tears. Like spit (shut up I know some are called secretions but you get my point). So why then do we freak out about it? Just because it's salty? Or because it represents life? I mean we're all here because our mothers allowed our fathers to blast their man-goo inside them. Should we be repulsed at our own beings? For heaven's sake: we're made from sperm and egg. Why should ingesting either be repulsive? (Are we afraid it's a bit cannibalistic? Or would that be pre-cannibalistic? Or proactive cannibalism: before the womb! Fresher is better?)
We eat other animals fluid/sexual bits: Milk, Eggs, caviar... I'm currently eating nut granola (muesli to the uneducated apparently) and milk. Plant sex bits, washed down with cow excretion. Surely I should at least be eating those nuts with human milk? Home made fresh from the breast. Isn't that more appealing than from some other animals 'breast'? No? Why?
I couldn't ejaculate with another man next to me. I didn't know why. No that's a lie... I couldn't help myself even though I knew why. I was still ashamed/embarrassed t o cum in front of someone else. I couldn't see myself in as a sexual participant, even though I was, technically! It was only with the help of a very special person who refused to leave until I'd splooged myself. He was very dedicated to making sure it happened. Since then, I haven't had a problem. In fact it gets easier each time.
(I hope you're keeping track of all the words for sperm and ejaculation...)
Now, since moving up to Johannesburg my scope of sexual experience has increased. I've slept with all the major racial groups on the planet: whites, blacks, Indians, Chinese, and all those in between. It's not that many people but it's across the board. I like that I can sleep with any male, it means I can appreciate beauty for beauty's sake. I'm not aesthetically racist. Or should that be sexually racist? Each group has a totally different approach to sex. And to sperm.
What I also find interesting, and this is just an aside - I've only slept with non-circumcised men. I long to sleep with a cut man. The reason being is that the uncircumcised boys are very delicate when dealing with the penis. Cut men, being less sensitive due to constant exposure of the nerves would be a bit more... rigorous. Which is more my cup of tea. But anyway, that's perhaps another blog.
Stereotypically it's true: blacks have bigger penises, indians and chinese have small ones, and whites are in between. What that says about evolution and the human male I do not know. Some research here may be interesting. I'm sure its been done, I'll leave it up to my resident researcher to find it. But in terms of semen... it all comes out the same way, and all looks the same. I haven't plucked up the courage yet to swallow another man's sperm. Again with the eeeew? Surely by now you'd be used to the idea? No? Me neither. Why does it represent another level? A newer type of intimacy?
I kiss other men, and swap spit like it's going out of fashion. Why not swap jizz? What is it that keeps us so rigid... har har about spermatozoa? I can only assume it's because since the time of Jesus it's been bad. Apart from the idea of swallowing thousands (if you catch it all) or hundreds of potential babies (OK, even I'm grossed out now) it's really just a salty substance. Tequila, lemon, and salt with a dash of Amarula cream... or as it's know Woman's Revenge (it's a shooter) comes pretty close to approximating the taste, without the burn of the cheap tequila.
Now something that has always fascinated me is: What do straight boys do with their wad? If you angle your penis away from you, it jerks and spits in all directions and you end up wiping little bits of crusty hard white substance off your computer monitor for weeks. Aim it towards you and you hit yourself in your hair, and the back of your chair... and the oppose wall if you're good. I hate cum hair. It really does stick together. So what do you do? Throw a sock over it? Aim for your stomach? If you don't have as expansive a one as I do, that's a narrow landing strip. Or just hold some tissue in place? I really don't know, and I'd love to know - once the eruption of the one eye'd trouser snake is over then what? Klenex as the recent film 'Kick Ass' suggested? Do straight guys get freaked out about touching their own baby batter? (Isn't that a lovely one?)
Or do they quietly mop up without thinking? And what about all my women readers out there? What do you do with your mans jism? Lick it up? Mop it up? Tell the bastard to clean up his own mess? Hope it doesn't make it's way all the way up and found a new child? Just what do you do with spattered protein shake? And why are we all so terrified or repulsed by the stuff? So dear reader... just what do you do with yours?
