I want to talk about pride. In actual fact I should say I want to talk about shame. I've often wondered, as I'm want to do from time to time, why it is that the gay community feels such an urge to be 'Proud'. From street marches to carnivals, from beauty pageants to sports competitions the homosexual has developed, is developing, wants to develop, is fighting a legal battle to develop an equivalent to any and all heterosexual displays of Human capacity. The Gay Olympics for example.
We are a bunch of lesbians and gays who want to play sport against one another. So I guess the showers could be quite the place to be during that time... but what worries me about such a show is: Do gay men and women need their own sporting event? Does a gay woman run faster or slower, is she in any way impeded by her love of the cunny that she can't compete with her dick sucking counterparts in the normal Olympics? Is it that the gay guys swim slower than the normal guys? (This I suspect is true. Swimming in a pool in a speedo with a bunch of well muscled speedo wearing men would slow me down. The erection would contribute a significant drag effect I'm sure [this is called wishful thinking. At best I might achieve a little wake ha ha.]). Anyway the point I'm making is not actually a point it's the question: WHY?
And it was up until recently a very, very difficult one for me to answer. Now I know the answer. Or at least I think I do. But since you know my style by now I have to set up my justifications first. And to do that I'm going to need the help of a rugby jock. Lets call him Jack.
Gay Guy = GG
Jack = J
GG: Hello Jack.
J: Watsup.
GG: The sky.
J: What?
GG: Never mind. Ok, on to our first question - There was a big match this weekend, and you guys won by a huge margin. How did that make you feel?
J: Awesome hey.
GG: I see. And when the match had finished the whole school ran onto the field cheering and clapping. How did that make you feel?
J: Lekker (Afrikaans for awesome) hey.
GG: Any idea why?
J: 'Cause like they were cheering for us. For the team. So ja, it was cool.
GG: Then after that you guys all jumped into your dads bakkie (pick-up truck) and drove down mainstream screaming like a bunch of hooligans right?
J: Is that like a Pelican?
GG: What?
J: A Hoolican?
GG: No - I mean like a wild bunch of united individuals with a common cause for celebration.
J: Ja. Like a pelican.
GG: OK. And when you arrived at the local bar drinks were on the house.
J: No that was Shitface. He climbed up on the roof later.
GG: Yes yes. I see what we're dealing with here. OK, so my point is you felt united right?
J: Right.
GG: Then when the school had the parade through town, you chaps led the whole thing in your rugby jerseys?
J: Correct. It was awesome hey.
GG: Hay is something horses eat. But yes, I get your point.
J: What's up with this oke, talking all funny like this?
GG: Never mind, it's genetic. Thank you for your time, I'll let you carry on stuffing the school chess champion into that cupboard.
J: Awesome!
OK. So what's my point? My point is that for most gay people I've encountered, barring a few, it seems that we spend a good deal of our time feeling like outsiders. We don't fit in. Or, in actual fact - as I guess is happening today - we're labeled as 'The Gay'. But this is still exclusionary. And so we grow up desperately wanting to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We want to be recognized as having capacity beyond just our label.
And this is a Human need. We want to demonstrate our capacity to contribute. Otherwise the rest of the cavemen will have no need for us, and make us do normal hunting work like the rest of them. So what I'm driving at is we all, on some fundamental level, after 100 000 years of evolution feel the need to somehow fit in or prove ourselves to our fellow humans. But how does that translate into gay Pride?
Well, in my opinion, it translates very easily. We, as gay people, want to feel as if we belong, and once we feel that we belong - either by being in an accepting community, or through legal recourse (as so often is the case) we then want recognition within that group. I'm not saying that within a bunch of homosexuals there is strong competition to see just who is the best homosexual... (except in the case of the Olympics, Mr. Gay World beauty pageant etc...) or am I? I think there is an undercurrent of gay comparability.
I know I for one, although I'm really, really into men, often times feel that I don't measure up to being gay enough. I don't cook, only started drinking wine in vast quantities recently, hate poetry, prefer male friends to female, hate the colour pink, don't scream like a queen, and I didn't until therapy hug other gay men upon meeting them. Last night for instance I had an amazing Christmas dinner with some new friends, and with some gay friends of mine whom I adore. But upon leaving the new friend (an amazing gay man) he wanted a good-bye hug. Now I've been trying to over-come my reluctance to hugging, and have been analysing my body position during hugging etc. and even so when I gave him a hug, he still commented: "Oh he's a new boy to hugging." To which the other gay lads all laughed, but hugged me some more, as if by way of demonstration. Don't get me wrong. The rush of human contact was unbelievable, and just the fact that they were then fixed on teaching me (over the next couple months) just how to hug properly made my heart warm. But I suddenly felt 'Not really Gay'. Or 'Not Gay Enough'. Daft I know. But I wasn't part of the club yet.
But with each evening or day I spend with my gay friends I loosen up, I become part of the gang. The Gay Gang. So when that pride march comes along I'm most certainly going to join it. Why? Because it affirms who I am. Not because I want to show off to the straights, but because I want to know for myself - I am who I am, and who I am is a gay man, who is now, finally accepting of who and what he is...
*I apologize for Jack being such a typical rugby moron, but it was necessary for the illustration and humour. Jack is now a financially successful businessman with a wife and 1.45 kids. He will die knowing that he was a 'good man'.
2 comments:
Hello Guy
Why is there no Bi-pride movement. You speak of the difficulty of declaring that you are gay, and how that somehow separates you from the "mainstream" or "accepted norms"
Now, being Bisexual is altogether more confusing. Where do you fit in? Which group is yours? In the jock group you're basically a moffie that steals their "women" In the gay scene you're a jock with a toe out of the cupboard.
Sigh....
Dear M I hear you. And I know why (at least I'll try to explain my thinking): In any great war there are two sides. As Humans we need lines of definition. Good versus Evil, etc. I cannot pretend to know what it's like to like both men and women (I mean come on what can you possibly see in boobs?)But there in lies the problem. You are in the middle of two extremist schools of thought.
Moffie or confused. Straight or gay. We need these labels. At least, that's what we've been told on both sides. I know I have friends who demand that gays sleep only with gays and vice versa. My point about my blog - which I'm hopefully convincing others of is a 'Fuck and let Fuck' policy. Dude you like to sleep with both men and women.
Your challenge is not so much in the choice of partner, but in the difficulty of monogamy. A woman cannot offer you some things that a man can and likewise sometimes you just want something round and wobbly (woman). How then do you choose which relationship to be in when you crave both? And are there others who seek what you do? Can tri-partnerships work? Man, woman, and Man. Or Man, woman and woman (every hetrosexuals fantasy for some reason)?
I think there is a new battle to be fought and it will require a new brand of heroes. Yourselves. The gay community has basically what it wants, and the hetro's have always had what they wanted. You need to now start to look at what you NEED.
I'm sorry I've taken so long to get back to you - I didn't check the comments section, but I'd love to help out as best I can. email me - sclanders@gmail.com.
Best of luck champion, for yours is a new war.
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