So my fledgling relationship just crashed and burned in a truly cold and clinical way - as per my usual intellectually sociopathic realistic approach to life. I am at the moment hollow. Don't know how to take it really. But I wanted to commit my thoughts on WHY it ended because I think it ended correctly, as much as I hate that it's over. Personally wise we were a good match. We understand one another's humour, and got the little in-jokes. Life was good.
And then real-world issues began to creep in. And these issues were of no one's making. Merely facts of life. I have come to realize that at least 80% of my time is spend on another planet. Whether it's on a starship, slaying dragons, or fighting my friends on the Deathstar I am a Grade A nerd/geek-a-saurus. If you can't handle hearing about how cool the event was of seeing Praxis already exploded in the latest Star Trek film, then you don't begin to measure up to my level of geekness. If your idea of a good card-game is 52 cards of 4 suites, then you're in the beginners box at a 'low level' card game that I play. My grandmother used to say I should learn bridge. It was a real game. I did. It isn't. It's slow, boring, and not really that difficult. I was politely told at the bridge club by someone who'd been playing bridge for 5 decades, that she'd never come across someone who played bridge so aggressively. Ha! She'd never been attached an an elvish weenie deck on a Tuesday!
Anyway, my friends - whom I love - are all geeks/nerds or a combination there of. I am happy to say that the majority of people who allow me into their lives are all total loons, and not a single one of them is close to normal. But this world that I live in, for all it's neurotic fantasy, is a very difficult one to break into. In fact, unless you've been at it since the Return of the Jedi, you're not likely to get it.
Now the flip side of the chaos that is my existence is that 'normal' human social life. Get together, talk shit, watch a movie, have a social braai, drink, talk more shit, maybe go clubbing, dance, talk shit, drink, go home, and call it an awesome time. I have one question for them: Who won and did he take a head as a trophy? The answer invariably is no - don't be silly. But this is a world that many people crave, and the majority seem to live in.
So when the boyfriend and I began to explore one another socially (and yes I mean that plutonically you sick puppies) our worlds collided. Visiting art galleries, food markets, and being social with friends. Which whilst diverting in their novelty contained no threat of simulated violence, not an iota of Ork cooking, and the only Romulan I saw the entire time was a transvestite buying stupid chairs. So when boyfriend was introduced to my group, he was immediately thrown into the position of being King Kong and having to take over Tokyo. This is considered beginners fare in my world.
Needless to say both of us were demanding repeats of those nights... or not so much. So I ended the relationship but asked for the friendship to continue. Was this just me looking for an 'easy' out? Not at all. I really like the guy, and really enjoyed our social time together (The sex was good too but being downgraded from boyfriend to fuck buddy is somehow worse than boyfriend to just friend isn't it?). I enjoyed chilling and talking shit about our worlds and our lives and our jobs. But I cannot and could not see how in a relationship it could possibly work. The Geek and the Cool may be friends but never raise a family.
And this idea stems from my reasoning that my boyfriend, my partner, my life partner, should be my Best Friend as well. Am I so shallow that I cannot see anyone who isn't on the same geek level as not Best Friend material? I have had many days to sit in bed after my surgery and ponder why I need my best friend to have similar interests to me. The simple reason is I don't really find people who do not share my interests... interesting. Diverting, charming, quaint, and distracting may be words I use, but those do not describe a best friend.
I want an equal. I want a titan from the geek world. If this is too much to ask, then so be, I shall be single all my days and die alone... well not alone because I want my death to be turned into a reality TV show, but that's not the point. Why should I settle for a compromise of interests. And don't give me the lecture on 'finding hobbies you can both grow and learn in'. Fuck that shit, I have fifty hobbies already, and I don't do hobbing halfheartedly. I'm all in or all out. You know me. Besides I already have a hobby in the majority of the sci-fi and fantasy markets, I don't see what's left...
Anyway I wanted to list a few dating rules that I will now be following to the letter:
Date 1 - Informal meeting. Questions to be asked - General geek knowledge. (and wanna go back to my place... hur hur hur)
Date 2 - Informal meeting. Questions to be asked - Specific geek knowledge.
Date 3 - Meeting. Meyers-Briggs test and 5 love languages test to be completed and returned next day.
Date 4 - Meeting. Results returned and compared. Specific geek knowledge tested for spot learning
Date 5 - Meeting. Boardgames and gaming with social group.
Date 6 - Meeting of his friends. If these are not socially awkward individuals with unique hair styles and approaches to clothing use, terminate meetings immediately.
Date 7 - If everything has gone according to plan, all tests passed, then marriage.
I don't think these are bad rules. We did a similar thing in high-school and it worked wonderfully. Admittedly it was designed to keep people OUT of our group, but it worked. All I know is that life continues, and the questions are:
1 - What do you want out of a relationship?
2 - What do you NEED out of a relationship?
3 - What do you want out of life?
Now as the difference of Want and Need - I want a boyfriend who is a sci-fi geek genius. I need a boyfriend who will sometimes tell me no, who will curb my spending, and who will bring me down to earth from time to time. But maybe that's also a want, and what I need I won't know until I die and can read the script plan of my life.
The point is for thems that are in a relationship I hope your partner is your bestest friend, and thems that isn't, it occurs to me that my simple 7 step guide or should I say guyde? might help make life decidedly easier.
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