You can be what you want, just not around me.

So this whole coming out of the closet thing has been happening and I've been experiencing some truly remarkable things in the last couple of weeks. Being so drunk that the morning after I had to throw it all back was a wonderful way to spend a weekend. A big thanks to my two friends who nursed me back from the land of the living dead to the world of the hung-over. And I can see the allure of getting drunk. But it was only on wine. I now want to experience a different drunk. The table dancing, doing stupid things kinda drunk. Just because I can.

But that is not the point of this long overdue post today. Today I feel the need to express something which I think we are all victims of, and at the same time, perpetrators of. Tolerated intolerance. The very word tolerance has negative connotations:

"I tolerate this behaviour because you're experimenting with life."

"This is tolerable because it won't last forever."

"I will not tolerate intolerant people."

What these mean is that whomever is on their high horse 'allowing another to do something that they (the speaker) would normally not allow others to do'. God this is complicated. You trying explaining the meaning! My point is that when you tolerate something you are lording your power - as if you have any right to control and thereby allow someone else to do something. OK. Still not clear.

Point in case. A good friend of mine, with a heart of gold, generous to a fault, told me (after my big coming out session) that he was homophobic. At first I didn't know how to take it. But he was being honest and as a loyal friend I decided to not push the subject. I have to admit though, he did 'exclude me' from his phobia. Now I have a phobia about snakes. ALL SNAKES. There isn't a snake on the planet that I'll allow to be in the same room as me. NOT ONE FUCKING LEGLESS HISSER. Anyway...

So I tell my two good friends, who are both gay. The one declares a jihad on all homophobes. The other is more understanding and declares that everyone has the right to be homophobic and he's not going to challenge their right. Enter my therapist. Now I've stopped going because I've run out of money. But when I broached the subject with him he said that I should assure the homophobic that I'll remain his friend, but that he needs to understand that I'm off on a quest to find my knight in shining armour and give him a blow-job. So with the words of the left wing queer's and the right wing gay's (and my straight therapist) still fresh in my ears I did what I'm practically world famous for - wrote the homophobic a letter.

Now I feel letters are great ways for setting up platforms for misunderstanding... I mean communication. I certainly like to hide behind words and like to think of them as shields but also doves of reconciliation. I sent the letter stating that I would still be his friend and ally, but that I was going off to find Sir Gwain to get Gwbent (this was funnier in my head). He phoned me, in typical fashion, and proceeded to tell me that he was perfectly happy for me to go off and shag some squire till the cows came home. Provided that I didn't express any gayness in front of him (this includes touching, a peck on the cheek or sitting closer than 20 cm).

And there's the rub of it. You can be what you want, just not around me. So I'm now left dear reader with an interesting challenge. The left wing and right wing orders of the Queer Queen have united in their mutual hatred against this homophobic oppressor. Now I'm supposed to be immersing myself in my own kind (therapists suggestion) and yet I'm perhaps too much of a coward to throw my toys at the homophobe. At the same time I'm outraged over the way in which my attempts to solve a problem have been thrown to the floor. But the bigger problem, the tragedy, is that he probably doesn't even know that he's done it.

I'll leave you with this thought then: If you want to be free of the shackles of passing judgement on others just make sure that you're not tolerating their actions. Either accept them as they are in all their glory or fuck off and find some other bigots to go wank with. OK, so I'm a touch angry. Now I just hope I'm not like that. I don't think I am. All I know is from now on, I'm not going to tolerate anyone. I'm going to accept them or ask them to kindly go shag a sheep somewhere else, because we'll both be much happier...